


An Entirely Serious and Probable Story About Eyebrows and Bananas - AKA: The Continuing Adventures of Doctor Idiot (And His Wise and Not At All Homicidal and Bananas Mistress)

by Erya



Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Clara is so done with this, F/M, Misadventures in Time and Space, Terrible crack
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-29
Updated: 2014-11-29
Packaged: 2018-02-27 10:20:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 510
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2689226
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Erya/pseuds/Erya
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In which there is much ANGST (Twelve - seriously, have you heard his voice? That man's growl could power the RSC for a year) and DRAMA (Twelve again, yes and you Mistress), but fortunately cooler heads prevail (or do they...)</p>
            </blockquote>





	An Entirely Serious and Probable Story About Eyebrows and Bananas - AKA: The Continuing Adventures of Doctor Idiot (And His Wise and Not At All Homicidal and Bananas Mistress)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Zabbers](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zabbers/gifts).



> This is terrible crack. Truly terrible. I haven't written fic for a very long while and then, for some reason, my brain decided to spit this out and the more sadistic side of my nature decided to inflict it on you. In the immortal words of the Tenth Doctor: 'I'm sorry, so sorry.' This was inspired by a lovely cartoon of the Doctor failing to find Gallifrey - I've similarly failed to re-locate the cartoon, but if anyone finds it let me know so I can give it due love and dedication!

The Doctor glowered at the Mistress from under his obligingly cross eyebrows. 'You lied to me!'

The Mistress blinked at him, possibly for the first time in her entire lives honestly and innocently confused. 'What, no? No, I didn't. Not this time.'

The Doctor stared at her, almost rendered incoherent with rage and bitter hurt. 'I went to the old coordinates you gave me. There was nothing there, nothing but dust and space and stars.'

The Mistress frowned. 'Well, that can't be right. I went to some considerable effort to put it there for you, dear. And you had better thank me for it. Honestly, I was looking forward to that bit. Did you check behind the TARDIS? That's always where you used to lose things. Really, it's almost as bad as your settee.'

The Doctor stared at her for a moment in silence, eyebrows contracting painfully. 

The Mistress had once heard of what she understood the irritating, blessedly short-lived little primitives of this world referred to as a 'facepalm' but had never comprehended the desire to perform one. Until now. She scowled at him. 'Oh, for the love of -'

The Doctor stepped back defensively, hands instantly flinging up in the air between them. 'Children present!' He barked.

'- teletubbies! And no there aren't. Well, not unless we include you! Oh, this - this is just typical of you, you -' The Mistress brandished her umbrella at him furiously while her TARDIS politely failed to translate her words just in case there were any children or humans observing their encounter.

The Doctor eyed her and tried to shift endearingly. Something bright and the colour of his new kidneys was settling under his ribs. He thought it might be hope. Or possibly indigestion. Jury was still out. 'Well', he murmured, 'I did say I was Doctor Idiot...'

The Mistress glared at him, not even close to forgiving him (no, absolutely not). 'Oh, you had better make this up to me, _darling_.'

The Doctor cleared his throat and swallowed.

And then they found Gallifrey and went home and they all lived happily ever after!

 

* * *

Well, apart from Gallifrey trying to execute them both the moment they arrived and apart from the Mistress being as evil and unbalanced as a treeful of bright yellow bananas - and twice as destructive on birthdays and public holidays. 

And apart from Clara declaring she would never ever speak to the Doctor again 'I mean it this time, Doctor!' after the third time she walked in on the Doctor 'making it up to' the Mistress against the TARDIS console - who, it must be said, seemed to have no problem with Clara's presence, at all. 

Apart from that, everything was fine and nothing ever hurt. 

Except for Danny Pink, who looked down on the multiverse from the Afterlife after an truly excellent game of poker with Osgood (who had a wicked game face, it must be said) - the real Afterlife apparently, at least according some bloke who looked nothing at all like Seb but reminded him rather strongly of [REDACTED] - and 

facepalmed.


End file.
